Center for Advanced Sarcasm

We don't fuck around when it comes to sarcasm.

Monday, May 04, 2009

 

I think the current public debate over the use of torture...

...has been a good one for our society. If nothing else, it shows that we’re finally able to self-reflect again after years of generally being self-defensive. And unlike many of these debates, there are more than two vantage points given consideration: torture is wrong, torture doesn’t work, torture is a necessary evil, what we do is not really torture, and so forth.

At this juncture, however, the cases have been made for each of the various perspectives on the issue and it’s time for our nation to make its choice: to torture or not to torture?

If we decide that we’re not going to torture, then we’ve got to go all the way and stop using any interrogation technique that could be construed as torture by others. No more pushing the envelope with things like waterboarding and stress positions. Whether or not individual Americans think these practices constitute torture is irrelevant since clearly many people across the globe do (and there’s no doubt we’d consider them to be torture if done to our soldiers). We probably will even need to take the position that if our non-torture policy means that terrorists will have an easier time attacking us, then so be it. Nobody said doing the right thing was painless.

On the other hand, if we’re going to approve of using torture to obtain intelligence then we need to be honest about it. We should let it be known that any enemy of the United States may be subject to any treatment deemed necessary to glean information that will help us. Torture and war go hand-in-hand, and if we’re going to wage war against terror then we might as well be committed to it. Any time you wage war you’re suspending your sense of morality to begin with, and often times in war the side that is most committed and most ruthless is the one that wins.

The only other option is to continue with our lukewarm acceptance of torture as long as it’s not too gory and generally kept off the official record. But denial and rationalization are never healthy for individuals or societies.

Friday, April 03, 2009

 

Bumper Sticker

This is a good one:, spotted on a SUV at the local mall: "Jesus is coming.  RUE?"

The "RUE" appeared below the "Jesus" part..after staring at it for a few seconds I realized that E was a slightly different color than the R and the U and that the joke was that when the bumper sticker was new the E was probably bright red.   So you are supposed to stare at it for a few seconds and then figure out that it reads "are you ready?"  I think Nintendo ran an ad campaign a few years back using a simialr visual pun.

But in this case the bumper sticker had faded so all the letters looked gray...as if Scooby-doo was saying it..."Jesus is coming?  Roo?"

Tilts head slightly.

 

Here's a study I'd like to see done:

It would be interesting to look back at records of people who commit suicide and see what percentage of them were dog owners.    My guess would be that very few are.

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

 

I'm almost embarrassed to admit this...

... but I'm kind of siding with the AIG employees on the whole bonus controversy. For one, I don't think the government should be using taxation as a form of punishment especially when it is levied specifically at people who have not been found guilty of breaking any laws nor given due process. Second, AIG is a large and diversified company and it's fair to assume that many of the employees were probably not involved in the credit default schemes that brought the company down. If it's anything like Wachovia or Citibank, most of the businesses units remained profitable. Third, it seems reasonable to assume that if the government is going to loan money to a company to keep it afloat then one of the things they're going to do with that money is meet payroll and contractual obligations.

I get the sense that this whole controversy over a drop in the bucket is a smokescreen/attempt at scapegoating. Obama and Congress are out of line on this one.

Monday, March 09, 2009

 

I guess I'm not really feeling sorry

for those folks that fell for Bernie Madoff's investment scheme.  Sure, he defrauded people, but he only took money that they were willing to do without.  

When you invest money, especially blindly (known as "gambling" in some quarters),  you acknowledge that you might lose some or all of it.  

I guess Bernie Madoff turned out to be a bad investment.
 

Tuesday, March 03, 2009

 

Here's something I just realized...

...I've never had a virus fuck up my computer.  And I've been using computers on a regular basis since probably 1997 or so.  

So I now have to ask myself: am I really lucky, or really smart?

Saturday, February 28, 2009

 

Six Word Stories

http://www.sixwordstories.net/


Thought I'd try a few of my own:

  • The drugs kicked in.  Positions assumed.
  • I shot one Nazi too few.
  • Acid on scrotum. He then talked.
  • Shark bites off man's leg, chokes.
  • Stunned, the terrorist removed his pickaxe.
  • Whiskey. Yogurt. Leather. Ferret. Ejaculation. Police.
  • Santa was drunk, elves feeling frisky.
  • The child's horn was removed surgically. 
  • Darth Vader explored other color options.


 

See, the problem with the Oscars

is that they try to decide what the Best movies and actors are before the films and performances have undergone the test of time.  We really won't know what the best movie of 2009 was until around 2019,  at least.  For example, if the vote was held today, would Dance With Wolves still be considered a better film than Goodfellas?  Does anybody really think that Star Wars was not the best movie made in 1977?

According to the Academy, Annie Hall was the best film of 1977.  Which probably was a reasonable choice from the perspective of somebody who had no possible way of knowing that a shitload of people would still be Star Wars fans 32 years later.

I'm also not sure that Forrest Gump was better than Pulp Fiction (1994),  or that The English Patient was superior to Fargo (1996).  And I'm going to go out on a limb and guess that if given the choice most of us would rather view 1979's Apocolpsyse Now than Kramer vs. Kramer...

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

 

Heh


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